Hello! I have not abandoned this blog. In fact, I have several post on various topics half-finished. But I just don’t have the spoons to finish them. There are spoons, but they’re small, bent and have lost their shine. There’s not much I can do with them except trying to do something just to feel frustrated when my brain gives up half-way through. April has burnt me out together with work, where I’ve ended up working overtime without breaks. When I return home, there’s not much left of me.
I have also slowly been returning to my old, pre-medication self. It’s been a slow return, skulking in the shadows, popping up here and there. My stress is back. Getting out of bed on a day off can make my heart race. I am tense most of the time, enough to cause myself pain. Pre-medication Asymmetra is a terribly self-destructive person, but at the same time I cannot deny enjoying the liberation which comes with it. I suppose I’ll see how it goes. I’m running out of medication anyways and I have no idea of how to get a new prescription.
There’s a lot of bureaucracy in my life right now, and it’s not working as promised. I have no idea of what will happen after the 10th of June when the contract for my arbetsmarknadspolitiska programme expires. I might be hired by the place where I’m doing my internship, or maybe I’ll be back on square one after one and a half year without being closer to disability benefits they said would take about three months only. On the other hand, I might be able to move to my new flat earlier than expected. This makes me happy, but at the same time I do not like change, and am terrified. Living with my mum and her boyfriend is not healthy for any of us, but I am also worried about being on my own and having to get used to new surroundings. Money is also a problem, of course.
I’m hoping to be able to clear this brain fog and tiredness as soon as possible, but I am not sure of when or how. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d be grateful. I’ll try to finish my posts and uploading them one by one, but I expect it to be at a slow speed. Even so, thank you all for reading.